Dating a german guy

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But before you enter the minefield that is German-men-dating, be sure you know what's awaiting you.

The Survival Bible has put together a guide to some common Teutonic types.

This email was forwarded to me by a very close friend last night, and for obvious reasons I got a kick out of it. All I keep saying to myself is “what the fuck just happened? I know I look good, wearing a black tulle dress, payless heels and bundled in my effortlessly chic, yet somewhat cumbersome H&M cape I open the double doors just in time for a windstorm to fuck up my perfectly quaffed locks of brown hair. At the end of the day I know the answer to all of these questions along with the other insecurities are no no and no. She loves exotic places, planes with Wi Fi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles.

I mean, personally, I would’ve left after the conversation stuck around shopping for more than a minute because I have enough gay men in my life. Dating a man 6’8″ comes with a set of compromises, I suppose… “Shit” I mumble, there goes my freeze frame, music video entrance. I constantly put myself out there only to meet guys like Franz, Hanz, and Shmanz. Questions run through my head like, am I not pretty enough? But there is something unsatisfying about placing ALL of the blame on the other person. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay.

He may have an ability to speak boarding school English with a fake Eton accent.

While many German men are often six feet tall and blond, Aristos are always six feet tall and blond.

I notice he is approximately 2-3 drinks ahead of me. For the first 2 hours, our conversation is AMAZING! “I don’t know,” he ponders, “I think it will just make my watch pop.” Questionable.. I politely order a glass of chardonnay but sip slowly making sure that I will be able to escort HIM home safely. “Look, clearly there was some kind of misunderstanding, let’s rewind and scratch that past conversation out.” He snaps, “Well ok, but I don’t think I did anything wrong.” He takes one last sip of his drink indicating that he is done. ” He says “let’s wrap it up” and asks for the check. I text him as soon as I get in the cab, something that I generally would never do, “I’m not sure what just happened….” No response.

The fact that he says he can shop for hours and not get bored doesn’t phase me in the slightest, in fact, I welcome that challenge. Mid-conversation he blurts out, “our third date should be a cooking date.” I jokingly respond, “a cooking date? What would Patti Stanger say….”Not until I’m exclusive with someone….that’s when. We are out of there faster than a sweater off of a Barney’s sale rack.

Check his wardrobe for pedometers, clothing with Adidas or Puma labels and Nordic Walking Sticks. He will also invite you on Kur (Health Spa) “holidays” at least four times a year.

SPORTY GERMAN MALE “I never, ever got involved in sport,” said Winston Churchill wisely. My one brief encounter with Sporty German Male included a doomed mini-break to Mallorca. “If you were fat, my sweetness, you would not be here!

Stretched out by the swimming pool in my bikini, I asked: “Do I look fat in this? " Distinguishing marks: Adonis-like hairless, perma-tanned body. Favorite Activities: Marathons, hill running, admiring himself in a mirror, making tofu stir-fry.

You will be stranded in a dusty Hell, furnished in Biedermeier kitsch.

And when you resist your transition into the Teutonic Upper Class, Aristo German Male will dump you for an Aristo German Female with higher cheekbones. Running around Hamburg’s Alster when you fancy going shoe shopping, or forcing you to go Nordic Walking on a Sunday morning when you’d still rather be under your duvet stuffing yourself with scrambled eggs, Sporty German Male laughs in the face of blubber, Wiener Schnitzel and chips.

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