Dating a girl who used to sleep around

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I don't understand why anyone would eat Flaming Hot Cheetos without chopsticks (keeps the Cheetos dust from getting on the fingers). Don't assume I know how to speak fill-in-the-blank-Asian language. I'll expect you to pick up a few words of said language if you don't know it already. You'll never be able to get to the check faster than I can! My parents will immediately reject you as a suitor.

I didn't necessarily grow up speaking any language other than English. How else are we supposed to talk about other people in public? My parents programmed every second of my life before it was cool for parents to do that. In fact, they'll probably continue trying to set me up with their friends' sons. They might not think you're husband material (yet), but they will like you more if you eat.11.

Lily turned to the free Craigslist personals because didn't want to spend any money getting laid. She was open to every person and every experience -- even Republicans, as long as they could kiss.

Lily told her close friends about how thoroughly she would be sleeping around, joking, "I want my vagina to have call-waiting." Now she is enjoying the adolescence she never had, dating like an oversexed high school student but armed with the wisdom and savvy of a woman in her 40s.

For the purposes of this story, we have changed everyone's names to protect their privacy.

The two of us met when Anna answered an ad that Lily's then-boyfriend, Scott, posted on Craigslist.

Lily never married and spent most of her life caring for an ill parent who died recently.

So she lost 40 pounds and decided she would make up for lost time.

Now, despite her wrinkles and middle-age spread, she "dates" a multitude of guys. "We don't go places together; they sometimes buy lunch but just as often they don't. Actually, that's a euphemism; we have sex." With a lover whose bad back has him on the injured reserve list, Anna knows what to do: click on "Casual Encounters" and start the e-mail banter that almost always leads to a meeting.At age 28, she moved in with the first man who looked her way.It was a virtually sexless union for 10 years before a therapist helped her come to her senses and move on. So I'm neurotic about some aspect of that, whether it's my weight or the particular paleness of my skin or my big feet or what have you. Don't cross me when I'm mad because something like the kimchi slap will happen to you. But I'll expect you to say it right if we start dating each other. My mom and other family members paid really close attention to my appearance. Not gonna lie, there's a tiny dork-nerd in every Asian.19. I blame the Asian-language TV soaps I was weaned on. Which is why I always ask for hot sauce and have an emergency bottle of Tabasco in every purse.21. So strike the phrase "Asian persuasion" from your vocabulary.

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