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One donor, whom Carissa, a 38-year-old divorcée in Fargo, N. Ray, who already had two kids with his wife and claims to have two more via one-night stands, started donating sperm in 2009.D., was about to invite over for a “natural insemination” session, spooked her. He prefers to donate the natural way, which he says has a higher chance of success than AI (it doesn’t), and he boasts of six births and six current pregnancies in attempts with about 40 different women.Far from being overrun by sex-crazed “sperminators” and “desperate girls,” the way British tabloids have portrayed the business, most of what I found was mundanely human.Many of the women want to reproduce on their own terms, while they still can.This makes it hard for lesbian couples and single women who don’t have male partners.And all couples face insurance caps that can mean thousands of dollars in out-of-pocket pay.
Confessions of a Cryokid and Anonymous Us are among the websites where they come to vent, airing unhappiness at feeling “half-adopted” and aching at the thought that their fathers could be anyone. What if his real motive is sex—and would that even matter? To find out, I registered at FSDR as a “just looking” member and spent two months following forum discussions, participating in chats, surfing through profiles, and interviewing more than a dozen donors and recipients.
Curious, Beth and Nicole posted to a Yahoo Group, and within days they had more than a dozen suitors.
“We got some weirdos,” says Beth, a 35-year-old tech professional near San Diego.
Some have had miscarriages; others are widowed; still others, divorced.
Some say they got pregnant when they were much younger and gave up the baby or aborted it, and now want another chance. Hope, a single 43-year-old zoologist, echoes most FSDR searchers when she says, “I really want to have a child, and I want to give that child the best shot at having a good life, which is why I chose this route.” As with traditional sperm banks, most of FSDR’s users are lesbian couples or would-be single mothers.