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"There's really no formula that I've encountered," says 28-year-old Andrew Reymer, a single resident of Baltimore, Maryland."It depends on how rapidly or slowly things progress." Joan Allen, a relationship expert, finds that baby boomers are far more likely to wait to have sex than younger daters.When Mc Clary refers to boundaries, she's not talking just about the physical boundaries that come with sexual territory. "Emotional wholeness is crucial to the decision process of whether or not to have sex," Mc Clary tells Web MD.To that end, Mc Clary often tells women, "If you value a committed relationship, ask yourself, 'What do I need to do to stay emotionally whole?"I thought there were differences between men and women and how they felt about relationships.But overall, I have found that very often they want the same thing," Allen says.
"My advice is this: wait as long as you can," Allen says."I say definitely use condoms, even if you're in a committed relationship," she adds.Concern about STDs and unwanted pregnancies can help create sexual boundaries, believes Mc Clary.At some point during their courtship, many dating couples decide its time to break down initial boundaries -- be they emotional, physical, or both -- and engage in a sexual relationship.If both people are playing by the same dating rules, sex can serve as the gateway to a consensual, committed relationship.