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That said, don't let a fear of your children being upset or disapproving stop you from getting out there if you feel ready to.
Says Gadoua, "too many women hide behind their kids as an excuse not to date." Be upfront and respectful, but don't apologize for wanting to date.
"My rule of thumb is to meet in person within two weeks of making online contact." Might as well find out as soon as you can if the chemistry is virtual—or real.
Of course, when you do meet, take basic safety precautions.
Kirshner studied Russian literature and 20th-century movie industry at Mc Gill University in Montreal.
Her younger sister, Lauren Kirshner, a writer, was involved in the I Live Here project.
Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Just remember that your fears are normal—after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval—and that you don't have to jump all the way in. Tell a few trusted friends that you're interested in meeting people. "Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you're after. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: "I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education," she says.
So how can you make post-divorce dating—whether you're looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man—less daunting?
Instead, "it's usually clear when you're not ready," says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of .
That is, "when the very idea turns you off." But you can decide that you're ready to at least try.
Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man's intellectual stimulation.
"You can see what you might want in a relationship going forward," she says, even if it's not with any of these guys. "Just say, 'I'm enjoying dating you, but I want you to know that for now I'm also seeing others casually.'"Hopefully it's obvious to you that if you have children at home, you shouldn't bring dates around unless it's somewhat serious.