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She clicked away until she found what she was looking for, a chat room home page with bold letters stating: YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 13 YEARS OLD TO ENTER THIS SITE.
Jennifer was the only one of us who met this qualification, but she went right in.
I didn’t know what these men meant when they said “I’m fingering you” or “I want you to masturbate.” It was a completely new language, one that Jennifer explained to the rest of us throughout the night.
In addition to being shocked, however, we were all strangely delighted.
I came to believe that all men treated women like that.
Slowly but surely, through the course of my early teenage years, I pulled myself away from the chat room culture.
At every sleepover from then on out, we would find a time to log on to that chat room.
Instantly, our screen was flooded with messages from eager chatters, all asking “a/s/l” (“age/sex/location,” Jennifer informed us.) She responded to every one with “16/f/Miami.” I had no idea what “cyber-ing” was, and the other girls were just as naïve.
But that evening, our eyes were opened as Jennifer introduced us to the process of having digital sex. I grew up in the Bible belt, where sex was rarely discussed and desire was a sin.
I believed that God was judging me, and when I would masturbate at night, I thought He was watching me in shame. I grew to hate myself, and I hated the men in the chat room more.
Even though I voluntarily logged onto that chat room every day, I felt preyed upon, taken advantage of, and disrespected.